Disclaimer: I am not in a relationship, I am not married and I am not pregnant, nor do I see this ever happening in my near future, unless something magical happens. This is just the end of a lot of personal thoughts I’ve had recently on growing up, being a woman, and caring for another human being.
Dear Future baby,
2 days back it was Mother’s day. I wished my mother and in secret I wished myself on your behalf. You’re in all probability thinking, why I am writing this post to you, despite the fact that you may never come in my life. I’ve met appreciative amount of people who have given me important lessons and here’s some things I’d like to pass on in a cuter version of me.
It is 2016, I am 32. I’m writing this to you as a sort of avowal of the kind of person I’m going to be in your life. The kind of mother, I promise to be some day. Don’t worry, you’ll surely take over this bizarre way of thinking, and I’ll take full responsibility.
I often imagined what it would feel like to carry you in my belly, to experience morning sickness and weight gain you would bring in me and to openly celebrate your messy and awesome entrance into this world.
I have decided on your name, because I don’t want you to be nameless for 4 years like me. I don’t want anyone to fight or quarrel on deciding your name like your grandparents did when I was born. If you are a girl child, you are my Raavi and I would want you to love your name as it is what you will be for the rest of your life. Why Raavi because I want you to be named on R. If you happen to be a boy child, you are Haasil, indeed a reaching for me. Just like your name, I would want you to achieve all your goals and ambitions and be successful in life.
I promise to be a crying shoulder, punching bag, mentor, buddy, coach, and your biggest fan apart from being the world’s best mom to you. When you arrive I will have a new list of things I want to do with you. When you ask me how they built the pyramids I want to be able to tell you, if you ask me about the wonders and mysteries of this world I will be able to tell you about them. For, I want to be your Wikipedia.
I want you to feel proud of having me as your mother. I have done so much in life that you will be the happiest child. Nothing is impossible. Right now I have done a couple of things that fit into this category but I still feel as though there are one or two big moments to come. When you meet me and get to know me I want to be able to look in the mirror and truly believe I know myself. My mood changes vividly from one moment to the next, baby you need to handle my mood swings but I promise I will control them for you. I had to worry a lot about money when I was a kid and growing up as a teenager to an adult I had to sacrifice my studies/dreams for someone else’s future. It was your grandfather’s fault that things happened. I am not promising you but I will try my best, you will never have to worry about money.
I’ve never known love in my life not even from my immediate family. I have never known it to the point where I knew that the man reading my favourite book somewhere in some part of the world would be your father. I fear to tell you, that he may never come in my life. I can’t promise you anything about this man.
My tiny tot I know so many married couples who often think they’ve met the right person, they rush to marry despite parental conflict, force from one of the partners, or whatsoever reasons, have children in speed and then they are knocked with distrust or dullness in the relationship which makes them live a complete loveless and lonely life. It is really difficult for me to continue to exist in a loveless relationship and this is what makes me sometimes anxious about your father.
There was a time when a 32-year-old woman was supposed to have a husband, two kids, a house and a car. When my mother was 32, she already had 2 school going children and I am on the same age where I sit and write to my imaginary baby. Well that time is not now anymore. If at all you arrive I will be waiting to have an amazing life with you.
I promise to always love you, Yours ever loving
PS: Wish I can have you my child, so that I can take lots of selfies with you in my tummy. The 3rd month, the 6th month, the 9th month, just before delivery, post partum, your 3rd month and so on.